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Bribes On A Plane: How to Make Nice With Your Fellow
Passengers When Your Baby Goes Insane
Passengers When Your Baby Goes Insane
A young traveler on a plane.
It must have been the meatloaf. Something about garlic and my
18-month-old daughter doesn’t mix: instead of scaring off vampires, Lucy
transforms into one. And I made the mistake of feeding her a slice of
heavily seasoned meatloaf before a recent flight from Florida to New York.
She started off as an angel.
18-month-old daughter doesn’t mix: instead of scaring off vampires, Lucy
transforms into one. And I made the mistake of feeding her a slice of
heavily seasoned meatloaf before a recent flight from Florida to New York.
She started off as an angel.
But as soon as the flight took off, she was
inconsolable—breakdancing on my lap, trying to pull the hair of the woman
in front of us, karate-kicking her seat back. And even though I had loaded
up my iPhone with Elmo and Dora and her little sidekick Boots, Lucy got
tired of watching the videos and started wailing for Mickey. How could I
have forgotten Mickey?
inconsolable—breakdancing on my lap, trying to pull the hair of the woman
in front of us, karate-kicking her seat back. And even though I had loaded
up my iPhone with Elmo and Dora and her little sidekick Boots, Lucy got
tired of watching the videos and started wailing for Mickey. How could I
have forgotten Mickey?
Suddenly, I was the person whom I’ve always loathed during my many
years of solo travel: the passenger from hell with the baby from hell in
Row 27C.
My husband had the brilliant idea of buying a round of drinks foryears of solo travel: the passenger from hell with the baby from hell in
Row 27C.
everyone around us. And it got us thinking: for future trips, we need to
pack an arsenal of payola to appease our fellow passengers. Here are 13
bribes that should stop people from looking at you in disgust.
1. A Ziploc bag with earplugs and a heartfelt disclaimer saying
that it’s the first time your baby has flown—even if it’s a lie. Bonus
points for a lollipop in the bag.
2. An official apology from the baby in crayon on a heart-shaped
of paper. I mean, who can resist?
of paper. I mean, who can resist?
3. $5 iTunes gift cards, which come in packs. And that $100 you
spent on gift cards doesn’t need to be exhausted on the plane—there are
plenty of places where you can offend people when you have a baby.
spent on gift cards doesn’t need to be exhausted on the plane—there are
plenty of places where you can offend people when you have a baby.
4. Offer to pay for movies (and headsets) for everyone in the
immediate area. Think of me as the Blockbuster of row 27C.
immediate area. Think of me as the Blockbuster of row 27C.
5. Mad Libs: Why not create bonds among your fellow passengers? A
noun is a noun is a noun. Better yet, make up your own Mad Libs. The
(insert noun) was going well until the (insert noun) started (insert
verb).
noun is a noun is a noun. Better yet, make up your own Mad Libs. The
(insert noun) was going well until the (insert noun) started (insert
verb).
6. Trashy celebrity magazines to share. Need I say more?
7. A grab bag loaded with mini beauty products or samples from
department stores, to be passed around. Encourage your fellow passengers
to swap with other people on their row. Suddenly, everyone is in it together.
department stores, to be passed around. Encourage your fellow passengers
to swap with other people on their row. Suddenly, everyone is in it together.
8. Scratch-off lottery cards.
9. Plan snacks wisely. Carrots are a wonderful thing if you have
health-conscious seatmates. Cookies are even better. Bonus points for Girl
Scout Thin Mints.
health-conscious seatmates. Cookies are even better. Bonus points for Girl
Scout Thin Mints.
10. Not that I’m encouraging lying, but you can tell everyone it’s
your baby’s birthday—nobody gets angry with a baby who is celebrating her
birthday!
your baby’s birthday—nobody gets angry with a baby who is celebrating her
birthday!
11. Circus peanuts—who doesn’t love those neon-orange pillowy
treats?—and SnoCaps nonpareils. I always travel with these two classic candies
because, inevitably, someone will like one more than the other.
treats?—and SnoCaps nonpareils. I always travel with these two classic candies
because, inevitably, someone will like one more than the other.
12. Offer to call a game of Bingo for everyone, with valuable
prizes.
prizes.
13. Little Valentine's Day hearts with “I’m Sorry” spelled out or
candy necklaces that say “I Love You.”
candy necklaces that say “I Love You.”
For guaranteed forgiveness, have your toddler deliver the bribes
to your fellow passengers. And if all else fails: drinks on me. Just not
literally, please.
to your fellow passengers. And if all else fails: drinks on me. Just not
literally, please.
At Excelsior Limousine we can provide
baby and toddler seats in our town cars and SUVs for a small fee.
baby and toddler seats in our town cars and SUVs for a small fee.
